Who Am I as a Communicator?

This week I learned that in most situations I am perceived as a moderate to elevated anxious communicator which is the way I also see myself. I am also seen as a people-oriented person who is empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others. I would have to agree with this because this is how I have been my whole life. In the area of verbal aggression I was rated as moderate by a coworker and significant by my husband. I agree with my coworkers response because that is typically how I am.

The rating by my husband is what surprised me the most because I did not know that he perceived me as significantly aggressive most of the time. I would have to blame this partly on the fact that we have been married for 29 years and people just get comfortable with each other as well as let annoyances get the best of us. Plus, children, stress, and no time complicate things and sometimes our spouse gets the brunt of our frustrations.

Two insights that I have gained is that the "Platinum Rule" works better than the "Golden rule" by allowing us to consider others instead of only our needs. The other one is that I need to be more aware of my non-verbal cues as well as my verbal cues. These skills can both have just as much of an impact on my communication both personally and professionally when interacting with family members or community members.

Communication and Culture

When speaking with people from other cultures I try not to treat them any differently, but I sometimes will speak slower just to keep the pace of the conversation down because it sometimes takes me longer to understand them. I really do not like it when I see others speaking loudly to people from other cultures and I often wander why we sometimes can treat them like they are ignorant.

Based on what I have learned this week, three strategies I would use to communicate more effectively is:

1. Ask questions, pause and listen to them before responding.
2. Treat others the way you think they would want you to treat them.
3. Develop appropriate knowledge on the persons culture before you communicate with them

Communication Skills

The show that I observed was "Rules of Engagement". I had never seen it before or heard anything about it. The first interaction was between a woman and a man; he was sitting on the couch and she was standing to the side speaking to him. The man seemed to ignore her and did not make eye contact with her. The woman eventually went around behind him, smiled and bent down to hug him. The man did not have any expression or respond to her. The next interaction was between another couple. The man was speaking to the woman seemingly excited as she made faces, rolled her eyes,and shook her head back and forth.

Based on my observation I assumed that the first couple were brother and sister. With the next couple I assumed that he was trying to date her and she was just annoyed with him and did not want that kind of relationship.

Then I watched with the sound on and found out that the first couple were actually married but were having troubles, and the second assumption was pretty much the case except that they were friends who went on a hike together. What appeared to be things that might happen between couples who were dating were actually just incidents that appeared that way.

If I had known the characters in the story I would not have assumed any of these things. My assumptions were based on previous knowledge and experiences but they were not always accurate.

I learned that our assummptions are not always accurate and that focusing on non verbal skills can tell you how someone is feeling at that moment but it cannot tell us who they really are. So, again, we have to be careful about judging people based on our own experiences and assumptions because that does not tell the whole story.

Communication

I just had the privilege of listening to Gary Eagleton who is a consultant for Ruby K.Payne for "Bridges Out of Poverty". He spoke on the issue of poverty and how communities can help others get out from under the trenches of poverty.

I felt he was an effective speaker because he knew how to engage the audience by walking over to participants and asking them point blank questions using their first names, roaming around the room connecting with everyone, smiling, using strong voice, and telling personal stories that help relate and connect the audience to the topic. He came across as knowledgeable and credible because of his educational background and life experiences.

I would like to model my own behavior after him because I think that other adults get so much more out of a speaker that engages his audience and helps them connect to the topic by using relevant personal narratives. Also, it keeps their minds from wandering off the topic. However, some of his confidence comes from experience which can only come in time.

Professional Hopes and Goals

One hope that I have in regards to working with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds is that I will treat all families with respect and make an effort to understand their own family culture and to make them feel they are vital and unique to their community. Just as Seifert said, "seek first to understand, then to be understood"(2007).

One goal that I have related to issues of diversity, equity, and social justice is that I can be an advocate to help educate others in my family, community, and professional life about the consequences of microaggressions and "isms" and teach them why change is necessary.

I want to take this time to thank all of my collegues for their comments and discussions with me both at the discussion board and in the blogs. I have gained much insight and with your help I feel as though I have begun my long journey towards change.

Welcoming Families From Around the World

My family will be coming from the country of Mali. To prepare to be culturally responsive to the family I will:

1. Gather information such as community organizations and other resources that will both teach me background informatiom on their country and give them resources of support to help them transition.

2. Learn key words from their home language to help the family feel more welcome and comfortable, as well as to foster a familiar environment for the child and let the family know that I will value and work to keep the home language alive in the classroom.

3. Learn about their customs, practices, and religion

4. find an interpreter who can accompany me on their initial visit to make them feel welcome and comfortable so that there are no language barriers.

5. Having an interpreter will allow me to find out more about their family culture such as gender roles, role of children, intergenerational relationships, and interdependence as well as strengths and challenges they might bring to the program.

Over all I hope these preparations will strengthen the parent/teacher relationship as well as foster a culturally positive classroom environment.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I have recently witnessed the bias and prejudice of my neices fiance. My niece who is white announced that she and her boyfriend who is african american are getting married next month. This is something totally new to my family since the only ethnic person is my sister in law who is a Native American. Her parents were in total shock at first because inter racial marriage is against their belief so they attempted to cut her off. When that did not work they realized that they did not want to lose her so they are making an attempt to get to know Toney. In the meantime, I have heard comments from family members like he is the typical black male who was not raised with a father, he is lazy and does not have any ambition, he is only marrying her because black men believe that white women are a prize like a trophy, I hope he is not abusive to her, she is going to lead a rough life. I am totally embarrassed that members of my own family would make stereotypical comments such as these and I almost did not share them.

This incident diminishes equity because Toney was not even given a chance. He was pre judged based on the assumptions and prejudices of others who have never even been that close to someone with a diverse ethnicity. He was not initially treated like an individual.

As I mentioned before, I was embarrassed by such comments and I hope that I can try and educate my family to help them make a change in their attitude. Maybe this marriage will be a new start for change. Initially I had some uncomfortable feelings about it because of how I was raised, but thankfully after what I have learned through this course, I was able to look at the relationship differently.

The ones who will need to change in order to turn this incident into opportunity for greater equity is the one who has experienced the pain of prejudice or the ones who observe inequities and want to advocate for change like my neice and her fiance and me. If those who are being oppressed wait for the oppressors to change, then equity will be more difficult.