Professional Thanks and Support

Over the last eight weeks I have learned a lot about my own personal schema and how it has affected my communication skills. I have learned to be mindful and "other oriented" as well as how to be a better active listener. To collaborate successfully as a team takes trust, cooperation as well as coordination. I learned about the three R's of conflict resolution and how to read non verbal interactions.

I want to thank each and every one of my colleagues who have given me insight through the discussion and comments on my personal blog. We have shared personal information and built online relationships that I will truly miss. I hope some of you will be moving on to Teaching Adults in the Early Childhood Field specialization with me. My wish for you is that you will take what we have learned in this class and transfer it to your personal life as well as your professional life working with families, children, and building collaborative teams that can make a difference.

Team Building and Collaboration

During the adjourning phase the group that I found the hardest to leave was the one where we had the clearest established norms. Having established roles help to develop supportive relationships and collaboration because it is easier to build trust when we respect each others opinions and value their differences. Also, we work off of each others strengths to build a more solid team that can accomplish goals.

The closing rituals that I have experienced include having a potluck in honor of the group as a thank you, having a recognition ceremony, or meeting socially in a central location where each group member is more relaxed to close out the project. In my previous job we had a hard time adjourning because we had established norms and specific roles that were respected by all. My previous colleages and I had such a great working relationship that we still get together several times a year to keep in touch.

I imagine it will be somewhat difficult to leave my online relationships that I have built. I find comfort in seeing familiar names enrolled in each of my classes, and I tend to answer the posts of them more often than those I do not know as well. There is some comfort in sharing history with others along the way through class participation, and it would be nice to stay in touch with some of my classmates after we graduate.

Adjourning is such an essential stage of teamwork because we need to reflect on what worked and did not work in order to learn from mistakes or celebrate our accomplishments. Additionally, the adjourning stage gives us some closure which is important so that we can move on to another goal or project.

Non Violent Communication & Conflict Management

This summer I had a disagreement with my sister over my children, whom she felt were disturbing others as they were exploring in the creek out back of a vacation home. Keep in mind that she has only one daughter and is not use to boys at all! One thing I learned is that staying in one home with 5 of my siblings and their families was just too much. Before this, I had never had a conflict with any of my siblings (there are 8) and was considered the peace maker. I was not sure where all of this was coming from because my boys are just normally active boys in my opinion. I also know that she had been feeling overwhelmed with the chaos in the house so was a little stressed out prior to this.

Through taking this class I have learned that not all conflict is non productive, and infact can have a positive outsome. However, unproductive conflict can damage relationships when managed poorly as I found out. I think "power" dynamics played a big part because my sister is older than me and she does not think that I should have my own voice. Another problem was that she attacked my boys and their character. If she would have come to me in a respectful way I would have been more apt to listen instead of become defensive. Also, the climate was uncertain and I was unclear as to what all she was referring to, and when I asked clarifying questions it set her off because she thought that meant that I was calling her a liar. I finally relented and walked away which annoyed her too.

The productive side is that I have learned what changes I might need to make in the future, or what I need to avoid. As I look back I can see differerent strategies that I could have used to help resolve and defuse the situation. One of those strategies would have been to avoid verbal aggressiveness and keep the focus on the issue. Another strategy would have been to take on a more active listening part and wait until she was finished to ask clarifying questions instead of interupting. Also, I have learned that the way I ask the questions can either provoke or affirm. In addition, I could have used some of the principles of the third side such as seeking to first understand her side and find out what her goal was before I jumped to conclusions. Learning these strategies will allow me to communicate better and avoid certain confrontations in the future. I still think that it is easier to do when both parties are trying to use the NVC method instead of just one party.

Do any of you have any words of insight regarding conflict among adult siblings where your children are the focus? How do you keep from becoming defensive?

Who Am I as a Communicator?

This week I learned that in most situations I am perceived as a moderate to elevated anxious communicator which is the way I also see myself. I am also seen as a people-oriented person who is empathetic and concerned with the emotions of others. I would have to agree with this because this is how I have been my whole life. In the area of verbal aggression I was rated as moderate by a coworker and significant by my husband. I agree with my coworkers response because that is typically how I am.

The rating by my husband is what surprised me the most because I did not know that he perceived me as significantly aggressive most of the time. I would have to blame this partly on the fact that we have been married for 29 years and people just get comfortable with each other as well as let annoyances get the best of us. Plus, children, stress, and no time complicate things and sometimes our spouse gets the brunt of our frustrations.

Two insights that I have gained is that the "Platinum Rule" works better than the "Golden rule" by allowing us to consider others instead of only our needs. The other one is that I need to be more aware of my non-verbal cues as well as my verbal cues. These skills can both have just as much of an impact on my communication both personally and professionally when interacting with family members or community members.

Communication and Culture

When speaking with people from other cultures I try not to treat them any differently, but I sometimes will speak slower just to keep the pace of the conversation down because it sometimes takes me longer to understand them. I really do not like it when I see others speaking loudly to people from other cultures and I often wander why we sometimes can treat them like they are ignorant.

Based on what I have learned this week, three strategies I would use to communicate more effectively is:

1. Ask questions, pause and listen to them before responding.
2. Treat others the way you think they would want you to treat them.
3. Develop appropriate knowledge on the persons culture before you communicate with them

Communication Skills

The show that I observed was "Rules of Engagement". I had never seen it before or heard anything about it. The first interaction was between a woman and a man; he was sitting on the couch and she was standing to the side speaking to him. The man seemed to ignore her and did not make eye contact with her. The woman eventually went around behind him, smiled and bent down to hug him. The man did not have any expression or respond to her. The next interaction was between another couple. The man was speaking to the woman seemingly excited as she made faces, rolled her eyes,and shook her head back and forth.

Based on my observation I assumed that the first couple were brother and sister. With the next couple I assumed that he was trying to date her and she was just annoyed with him and did not want that kind of relationship.

Then I watched with the sound on and found out that the first couple were actually married but were having troubles, and the second assumption was pretty much the case except that they were friends who went on a hike together. What appeared to be things that might happen between couples who were dating were actually just incidents that appeared that way.

If I had known the characters in the story I would not have assumed any of these things. My assumptions were based on previous knowledge and experiences but they were not always accurate.

I learned that our assummptions are not always accurate and that focusing on non verbal skills can tell you how someone is feeling at that moment but it cannot tell us who they really are. So, again, we have to be careful about judging people based on our own experiences and assumptions because that does not tell the whole story.

Communication

I just had the privilege of listening to Gary Eagleton who is a consultant for Ruby K.Payne for "Bridges Out of Poverty". He spoke on the issue of poverty and how communities can help others get out from under the trenches of poverty.

I felt he was an effective speaker because he knew how to engage the audience by walking over to participants and asking them point blank questions using their first names, roaming around the room connecting with everyone, smiling, using strong voice, and telling personal stories that help relate and connect the audience to the topic. He came across as knowledgeable and credible because of his educational background and life experiences.

I would like to model my own behavior after him because I think that other adults get so much more out of a speaker that engages his audience and helps them connect to the topic by using relevant personal narratives. Also, it keeps their minds from wandering off the topic. However, some of his confidence comes from experience which can only come in time.